Changes, Life Changes

Hey friends, it's been a hot minute since I last posted. Life has been happening lately, and time is going by so fast, it's way crazy. We are down to 17 days until Dorian and I get married!! Ahh, yes I am freaking out but I am sooo excited and so ready to marry him. But, this isn't going to be a post about my love life, I actually don't know what this post is going to be about. Today I am justt going to type and see what flows out onto the keyboard.

So what the crap have I been up to? Planning a wedding, having my bridal shower, planning my cousin/best friend's bridal shower (they are the same person), trying not to be bridezilla, packing all my stuff, doing way too much retail therapy, failing at decorating our town house (although our spare bathroom is freaking adorable, but the only part of the house that looks put together, lol), taking 1 million baths with bathbombs to ease the anxiety, and stressing so, so much.

Sometimes I forget to breathe and to just enjoy where I am in my life right now. That's when I need to just sit down and take it all in and that's where I learn to be grateful for where I am  at right now. I know I have so many posts on enjoying your "right now" and your present, but with typing this, that is what I really need right now.

I think about how I am having all of these "lasts" as just Megan, just myself. But that's okay. There are going to be so many first and it's going to be US instead of just Megan, and that is a beautiful thing. There will be twice as much fun, twice as many trials and hardships, twice as many good times. And I am okay with that. I have never been married before, and the unknown is really intimidating. I'm lucky enough to be marrying my first love. And we have so many firsts in front of us, but I know I am choosing the right person. And it's not like some grand gesture from the heavens knowing the person you are going to marry. Instead it's the feeling of safety, the feeling of not wanting to be with anyone else (I know that sounds cheesy, but he's my favorite person to do anything with), the feeling of wanting to grow old together and just wanting that person in your life forever, the feeling that you can fight and afterwards you can talk it out and be an even stronger couple, and the feeling of doing anything for that person. Love isn't about the lust, I mean looks are important don't get me wrong, but just wanting someone based on their looks isn't love. Love is messing up together, telling your darkest secrets, and not giving up on each other even when it's hard. And I am so lucky, because I have that in Dorian. I never really thought that loving someone could lead to an even greater appreciation for the little things in life, or to even loving myself more, but it has. And I am grateful to God each day that I get to love my best friend.

Change is hard, so hard. But without change you don't accomplish anything. Without having to do things that are different you get used to who you are, and end up getting bored. I am a safe person. The unknown really scares me. Honestly, I'm scared to move away from my family. Even though it's literally only an hour away(yes, I'm a baby). But it's going to be okay. This last year has been one of self realization and I figured out who I am and what I want to do in this life. There is going to be so much more of that to come and I am excited.

Last year I learned that I am powerful and that my words are powerful. Just from starting this blog I  had 10 people read my posts, but now I have up to 500 views on posts. It blows my mind that my little thoughts are getting out to the world and are having a huge impact on others. I learned that I love sharing my story, sharing kindness, and sharing my life with others. My goal was to just help one person, but now I am helping hundreds of people, and I am so proud of that. There is so much more to come, more self realizations, more people to impact, and more opportunities to help share the love with people.

My life is great. Sure I have challenges. Not so fun fact, I have cried for the past 3 nights in a row. I am scared for change, I know nothing about being a wife, and I'm just worried (anxiety is NOT my friend.) But, looking on it now, it gave people the opportunity to love me and to feel needed by helping me. And I know I am going to break down sometimes, and it sucks. But I think it blesses others to help us sometimes, to be able to give us big hugs, and to just listen to us. Instead of me being a giver all the time, sometimes when we feel so low and at our breaking point it gives others the opportunity to "give" their time and love to us, and I am so grateful for that! It's okay to not be okay all the time. Think about all the blessings that others receive from helping you, and sometimes it makes me feel a little bit better.

I keep having things come to my mind while writing, so this post may be everywhere but writing is my therapy. It is just so freeing to get everything out of my mind and onto a place where I can read my thoughts.

 Recently I hosted a Love Dare, if you don't know what that is, it's where I did challenges to lead to more self love. I had it all planned out official enough that it made it in my planner. I had spent hours online making cute graphics, spent my own money on buying prizes, and spent countless hours in research. The fact of the matter is that I had it planned out and what I was going to do, but life came up. I wasn't able to give it my 100%, I had other things in my life come up. Relationships that I had to nourish, family to spend time with, and packing to do. I wanted it to be so successful, and to do all these big things with it. But, I could only give it what I could give and I didn't feel like it was enough. I wasn't able to give it my all, but I did my best. For me, I don't think I was in it for the right reasons. I wanted it to be a very popular challenge because I wanted the recognition. I wanted it to be known that I helped people. All of that is okay. Although I wasn't able to go above and beyond like I see other people do, I was able to do my best. I made so many connections with that group with people who were "friends on Facebook", but I began to know them on a more personal level. I was able to see the beauty in others and realize we are all awesome. It was really an eye opening experience that helping others doesn't have to be a big production. I'll admit, I think I did go overboard. Doing nice things and helping people out doesn't have to be a chore or some big production. Instead, I learned that it's the simple things such as being a friend that matter most, and that's what I strive to be. Sometimes I'm too wrapped up in myself to do all the good deeds that I should in a day. But something as simple as a smile can really make a difference and make someone's day.

In summary,
1. It's okay not to be okay- sometimes it helps other people out by letting them help you out.
2. Live in the moment-don't take what you have for granted now take it as it comes, and enjoy it because you will miss it later.
3. Change is good-don't be afraid of the unknown take it full force and do your best.

Keep on keeping on people, and if you ever need a friend I am a message away!