Life Block

First things first, in my mind I feel like a broken record. It seems like everything that I have to say has already been said. This phenomenon is known as the illustrious, writers block. And let me tell you, it's not very fun haha! So what does this have to do with life? Why would writing compare to everyday real life events? Well guess what? We are going to get there, eventually.

Rewind to a mere 20 hours ago, I can't really do math right now because it is 3:00 in the morning so if my math is a little off please forgive me. (I can't math at 3:00 in the morning). Anyways, it was yesterday afternoon. I was texting my mom and she asked me to pick up the living room, so I did just that plus some. Pat on the back and all that jazz, whatever haha. That part doesn't matter, at all.

I have an active mind so I always have to listen to something when I can cleaning. It helps me get it done much faster and I have something to occupy my mind. For a year or two I came across a blog and a person that I have come to adore, she has done dance parties, workshops for building your brand, she is a killer dancer, and a killer business person. Her name is Alison at The Alison Show, she's one of my biggest blogging inspirations. Anyways, I follow her on Instagram and she has what is known as gratitude practices. Where she takes you through a 10-15 minute practice that makes you think of what you are grateful for. Immediately I bit the bullet, and splurged on myself, because I knew that it would lead to positive changes in myself. So, yesterday when I was cleaning walls in the kitchen, tedious I know. I chose to listen to Alison's gratitude practice number 2, on being grateful about your life and a thought came to my mind, you chose this life and where you are right now.

You CHOSE this life and WHERE you are. YOU CHOSE IT. 

You're probably thinking, no Megan, I did not choose this, you're crazy!

But guess what? I'm right, and I really like being right haha!

All jokes aside, at some point in your life you wished where you were right now. Let's take me for instance, unemployed by my choice, planning a wedding which I am super pumped about, and I know there was something else and more to me, but it's 3:00 and I don't want to think.

I bet you're thinking, okay but you wanted those things to happen in your life and make the choice that led you to where you are. Which is totally true. But negativity lingers, fun fact the mind naturally chooses a negative approach rather then the positive. It is so easy to think negative thoughts even when you made a decision on your own. There are two factors to every situation, the known and the unknown. And so often we get tripped up on the unknown with everything which leads to negativity because we are far less likely to be disappointed if we have already thought of the negative things in our mind and have prepared for that. It's natural, and everybody does it. 

Now let's take a look into my mind and how easy it is for me to find the negative side of Megan having no job. 

"People probably think I am so lazy, have no ambition,she is doing nothing with her life, or can't do hard things. "

When I was growing up all throughout elementary school, middle school, and high school I couldn't wait for the day when I didn't have to do homework anymore or go to school. I couldn't wait for the day when I could be an adult, and eat ice cream whenever I wanted. Then, I couldn't wait for the day when I didn't have a job, by my choice, I wanted to live freely and be able to make decisions on the whim. I could hardly wait to move out of the house and make my own decisions. Plus I always thought that as soon as I found a man, which I might add is incredible, and got married that I would live happily ever after with no problems ever. 

Okay let's be honest, sometimes I am in a fantasy land. 

No problems? Seriously Megan! Problems are literally what leads to progression, but whatever we all think that growing up is the magical solution to happiness. When in all reality you can be an official adult and still be miserable. Growing up is not a cure all. 

I realized that the silly things I said when I was younger, the things I wished for with all my heart finally came true, and guess what? SHOCKER! I'm not happy all the time, which for starters would be kind of creepy.

My life is far from put together, I can ALWAYS find things that I don't like about myself or things that I could do better at. And that will always be the case, even when you make the choice to be happier and more grateful, there are still going to be bad days, that is just life. 

What I never realized is there are problems in everything, which sounds super negative. Let's just call it being realistic. Because that is just what it is. 

When I started this blog my goal was to put on that good face with the world, that everything is going perfect. I wanted to brag about how happy I was and how much I loved myself and how great I am, which is very ironic because I am a freaking hot mess. It has turned into so much more then putting on a good face. Instead it has turned into something so positive for me and has become my outlook for my weaknesses and an outlook to more self acceptance and life acceptance. From writing and living life I have realized that once you make the choice to be happy and grateful, that doesn't automatically mean that the negativity goes away. It doesn't mean that you are happy 100% of the time. Newsflash, I am not happy all the time. I think negative thoughts and so often I let life get to me.

But guess what?

As I said earlier, I chose where I am today. I made that choice of not having a job right now. I made that choice to get married. But I did not know the struggles, holy cow there are so many. Remember how I said being negative is so much more natural to the mind? Well it's true. Let's take another detour into my head.

Not having a job, by my choice. Sounds good, right? Just being able to get things done that you need to get done on your own time. Which don't get me wrong is so great! But what about the money? What about finding another job when the time is right? What do you do all day you must be so bored! Now, these aren't things that people say to me, these are the things I have caught my mind wander to. And guess what? That's okay. It's okay to think opposition against yourself. One thing that my gratitude practices have taught me is to honor the feeling. If you put off feelings and don't feel them you develop a type of resentment against yourself and repress your feelings, which is no bueno. It is best to "honor the feeling." Feel what you are feeling, it leads to forgiveness and is actually super healthy. 

Getting married, a very positive thing. I mean with how I was raised and my religion we are taught that marriage and family is the ultimate goal. Don't get me wrong, I love that I am engaged and I love even more the man that I am engaged to. But wedding planning is a whole other story.  I have cried so much in the little time that I have been engaged that I'm pretty sure my fiance thinks I am borderline crazy, which isn't half wrong. Although, this is a super happy time in my life the misconception I had of getting engaged was that once I had the man life would be super happy. I wouldn't have any issues and just live a perfect life. That may be true in fairy tales from what we see, but we don't see the other side of the picture. We don't see the first fight that Cinderella and Prince Charming encounter after the slipper fits. We don't see the insecurities that Cinderella has developed because she was told she was never pretty enough by her wicked step mother and step sisters. We don't see Rapunzel break down because she doesn't feel like she fits in when she adjusts and meets her family for the first time. The fact of the matter is that ever since we are little we don't see the raw real life, and our expectations of the real world are so high, that once we get to these places in our lives we feel far less then what we are. We feel like we are the issue, instead of a being an incredible person that has issues in their day to day life. Instead we see ourselves as broken because few people talk about their problems and insecurities. We feel like we can't be fixed, when in all reality we are in the same boat.

I'm here to tell you that even when you reach the ultimate happiness in your life that you will still have issues. Now I have no clue what your trials are, but you will always have trials. That's the beautiful thing about life, you are growing and becoming who you need to be by how you face them. So even when you make the choice to be happy and positive, it's not going to be that way all the time. And that's okay. You will have issues, but they WILL make you better in the long run.

Friends, get out of the life block that you have put yourself in and instead be grateful for all the little things in your life, when you enable your mind to look at what you have instead of what you don't or where you lack you will find that you are living a better life then you thought. That is the real prize, being happy with where you are and being grateful for what you do have instead of forever wishing for happiness. Go out and live your happy!