Self Proclaimed "UNLOVEABLE"

Hey guys and gals! Holy cow, first of all, thank you to everyone who reads my blog posts! I have received so much good feedback for the random things that come out of my brain and transform into words on this blog. So, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Today's topic: Love.

I know, I know. You probably all think I sound like a broken record on this one. But, it's not what you think. This is not going to be some cheesy story about Dorian or I, I promise you! Instead, we are going to rewind back to last year. Which was  a very vulnerable time in my life.

Dear Self Proclaimed Unloveable,

Let me go into a bit of a back story first.

Like most girls, I wanted to be in love. I really wanted it, and I thought a man loving me defined my worth. Society teaches us that if we aren't being adored by a man, we are deemed unattractive and unworthy of love. But guess what? SOCIETY LIES, and most of the time sucks, sorry but I totally went there!

Looking back on myself last year I didn't know who I was, or what I wanted. You see, the 20's are probably the weirdest time in your life. Some of the people you went to school with are getting
married, others are having kids, going on missions, going to college, and some are living at home. All great things! I was getting caught up in everyone else's lives instead of my own. I wanted what they had. The thing I longed for the most was LOVE. I wanted someone to love me and to make all my "problems" disappear. I wanted that love story in all of the chick flicks, where the guy falls madly in love with the girl and they live happily ever after.

Let's first rewind to my life at this time, last year.

At the time I was attending the Singles Ward and met this guy who I thought was super cute. He met the qualifications of being tall, handsome, and muscular. We talked for a while, and he was even the first one there when I got in a car wreck to make sure everything was all right. Like he literally checked my car out and everything, and beat my dad there. And guess what happened? BIG SURPRISE. He wasn't the one and it didn't work out! *Looking at it now, I am really glad it didn't work out, because I have the sweetest fiance ever* I didn't know it at the time, that a year later I would be engaged to the man of my dreams. But do you know what I did? I automatically went to that place where I thought I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough to be loved. I blamed myself for not being skinny enough or pretty enough. Which I think most of us do when we get rejected, we go to us not being enough. When in all reality it's not us, in a way it's them. They are the ones who weren't good enough for you and you just weren't a match, and that's okay. I didn't know that at the time, and wanted to be reaffirmed that I was beautiful and good enough for love.

So, what did I do?

You guessed it!

I signed up for the dating apps. Which opens a girl up to so many different people. *Holy crap, let's just say you meet a lot of different kinds of people on there* Guys ranged from sport jocks, to total gamers, and everything in between! And guess what? I met so many guys, but I still didn't feel good enough about myself. I got called beautiful and talked to different guys almost everyday, but I still never felt good enough. And rejection after rejection I felt numb to the pain. I knew that I was ugly, I knew that I wasn't good enough, I knew that I was never meant to make someone happy. Instead I was going to be a crazy cat lady for the rest of my life, even though I REALLY don't like cats. That's what I convinced myself of, and that is what Satan convinced me of. I was convinced that I was not good enough.

I want you to know that rejection is real, it hurts and it can be so damaging, IF YOU CHOOSE FOR IT TO BE. You have a choice! Just because one guy or a few guys don't want to date you, doesn't mean you aren't beautiful. It doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love. It doesn't mean you are a failure or you are automatically going to become a crazy cat lady. Instead it means he wasn't the right one. And I think sometimes it means it's time for you to love yourself first! I have no doubt that God is preparing the one for us to be sent into our paths at the right moment.

It sounds stupid, but I thought that if I had someone to love me everything in life would come so easily. Trials wouldn't be hard, and everything would sail perfectly. Let me tell you I was wrong, but that is so beside the point here.

The first thing you need to know about love is that someone thinking your beautiful doesn't define you. What defines you is your inner beauty. Looks only go so far. What really stands out the most is your character. How you treat others and how you treat yourself.

Please don't beat yourself up for someone not liking you on a dating app. Don't beat yourself up for not looking like the models in magazines. Don't beat yourself up for being different. Instead, embrace it! Find one thing you like about yourself and go from there! Finding little things you like about yourself will really open you up to loving yourself more fully, and that is a wonderful thing.

So instead of being bummed that the boy you thought was cute didn't like you as much as you liked him, be thankful that a man was willing to die FOR YOU! You are deemed so incredible that Jesus Christ gave up his life for YOU! He was willing to bleed out of every pore for you! And if some boy can't see how incredible you are, then he doesn't deserve you.

Girl, you are SO loved by God and His Son! And that is the most important thing! Don't ever let some boy make you feel less then what you are, a daughter of a KING. You are so IMPORTANT and beautiful!

So, if any of you are having trouble with lack of a love defining you, I'm telling you that you are loved by someone who is more important. You are so loved that Jesus gave up His life for you. And when you realize that and open your heart to loving yourself the way God loves you and sees you that's when true love will happen.

What I didn't know in 2016, was that love had already found me. The love that God and Jesus Christ have for me ever since I was created. I have been loved and valued since the creation of time, we all have!

So if you are looking for love, first look inside yourself. Look at how much you can do, and all of that is possible because of HIM! Because, he first loved you, you were created and sent to this Earth to gain a body, to go through trials, and to live this life the best that you can to return to HIM someday! And that, my friends, is the most love that one can feel.

This life is hard, keep your chin up girl. And remember if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here and HE is ALWAYS there and just a plea away.

Keep on keeping on!