Hey, I'm Megan, and I'm totally having a pity party tonight! I'm not even joking. Most of the time I'm a level headed person with sooooooooo much positivity. But, let's be real! Being positive 100% of the time isn't real life. I'll admit, I have my moments way more then I would ever want to admit, and I feel bad about burdening people with my ridiculous emotions sometimes. But I'm HUMAN. It's okay to feel pain, regret, sadness. It really is okay. You don't have to be okay all the time. Break down. Have a vent session with your best friend. Talk about your regrets, feel those feelings.
So I'm going to vent today, but I'm pretty sure I vent on here all the time anyways, and it's probably going to turn into something positive at the end ,because for some reason that's just the way it goes. Holy crap, I'm pretty sure I've used "because" and "but" way more than the average person but it is what it is, and that is totally beyond the topic of this post. Tangent over, now onto my actual post!
Have you ever looked in the mirror and just cried? No matter how ridiculous that sounds I've totally done it, it may have just recently happened.It seems like everything you don't like about yourself jumps out and screams at you. Insecurities seem to slice right to the bone. Regret lingers in your mind. All this happens with one glance in the mirror. It seems like you can't see the good things about yourself. I have this great family, the sweetest boyfriend ever, an awesome job, and some of the best friends ever. But I don't love or even like some things in my life. One in particular is the way I look. Which is so freaking vain and it sounds so dumb to me. So many people say the nicest things about me, but honestly sometimes I just don't see it because I am so caught up in myself not matching the "super model" version in my head. I'll probably never have that super model body, no matter how much I want it, because I'm just not built that way. And I want that to be okay in my mind. I want to like myself for the way I look, for my personality, and for who I am as a person. And honestly I'm not in that spot right now to completely love myself, and that's okay. I think this life is about learning to embrace what you aren't, along with what you are. I may not be a size 2, but I'm kind to others. I may not have perfect teeth, but when I smile others smile back at me.
For some reason I thought all of the things that I didn't have would patch everything up and somehow transform me into a different person. Newsflash, life doesn't work that way! For instance for the longest time after I graduated college I couldn't find a job. Really, it was probably only a month. But it seemed like such a big deal at the time, and I felt hopeless. I wanted a job so bad that all of the rejection made me feel like I wasn't good enough and that I didn't amount to anything. Then the perfect job seemed to have found me, and I've been working there for six months! My job is great, but for some reason I thought it would fix everything, that life was smooth sailing from there, but it isn't. I have struggles on a daily basis, and that's just life. Another thing that was bothering me for the longest time was the dating game. Seriously, dating was super rough! Like I could tell you stories about guys from Tinder all day, but we are not going to go there or going to relive that. Then out of the blue the sweetest guy messaged me. Best surprise ever, and I met my best friend. But the thing is I thought finding a boyfriend would automatically make everything better. That magically somehow I would love everything about myself. The point I am trying to make here is that even when you get something that you have been wanting for so long it's not some magical pill that makes everything all better. You are still going to have trials, you are still going to have issues with things in life, and that's okay.
Nothing in life is going to make you happy 100% of the time and makes you love everything. . Luckily for me I have more people in my life who encourage me and love me even when I don't love myself. So, if you are being human and having issues with yourself, surround yourself with awesome people who acknowledge your true goodness. One's who appreciate your silly sense of human, who think you're beautiful even without makeup on, and one's who will be there for you when you are at your lowest. Those are the best kinds of people to have around when you can't love yourself. Don't let the mirror of "could have's" and "would've beens" get to you. Change that mirror image by relying on others kindness and focusing on the good things. Keep on keeping on people!